Why do so many of us need a period of reflection or growth before finding happiness in love? It's simple: Many people carry bad relationship experiences from the past into the present. Holding on to that old anger or resentment inevitably transfers negative vibes onto future relationships (and you may not even realize it's happening). It sabotages the possibility of creating healthy new bonds—and keeps you rooted in the dark parts of your history so you can't experience all the amazing possibilities of the now. Here are three steps to follow in order to start fresh.
Step One: Discover Your Story
The old stories we carry around keep us stuck, blocked, and disconnected from others. The first step to releasing these blocks is to shine some light on the fear-based stories we've been replaying. What are the relationship stories you've believed in for decades? What did you learn as a young child that you carry with you today? Maybe you feel inadequate or you feel like you're better than others. Or possibly you feel unworthy of love? There are all kinds of limiting, fear-based stories that we learn at a young age and carry around with us.
Step Two: Rewrite Your Story
If you want to change your story, you can do it simply by rewriting the script. Start by writing out the current fear-based story you've been living. Then rewrite it. In a notebook, tell the new story of how you want to feel in relationships. Clearly outline the fears you want to release. Committing to changing the story is a radical step on your journey toward fearless relationships. The next time you witness yourself playing out your fear story, take a moment to read the new story you've crafted. In an instant you can remind yourself of what is real and commit to a new pattern.
Step Three: Breathe Through It